Chain of emotions
by MikoAucarod
Summary: [Translation] One-shot. Did he love her? Of course he did. But he wasn't worthy of her, he knew that. Besides, the pain because of Kikyo's loss was still present. Before he could say anything to Kagome he needed to be himself again. Other way, he would be even less worthy of her.


**Author notes:** Finally I found the chance to translate this one-shot of mine to english, I hope you enjoy it! This was writen a few years ago but I hope you enjoy it ^^

Back on November 24th, 2009, I had a dream with a small scene and just a phrase, more like a thought, that I wrote down at that moment. Then, for whatever reasons I never had a chance to write it as a story, even if I wished to do so. Finally on June 14, 2011 I managed to do this one-shot, born from that thought and that scene that I pictured in my head. It's different from my original dream, because I couldn't make the ideas to flow as I wanted them to, but I liked the result. I hope you enjoy it too.

This story is placed inside the canon of the Inuyasha Final Act series and it's placed just after episode 10, we have a mention of Kaou and what happened on episode 8 of Final Act, so I doubt that any of you haven't watched the series or read the manga, but just in case:

 **Warning: SPOILER ALERT! From Inuyasha Final Act Episode 8.**

This is just so I don't ruin the plot to someone who hasn't made it that far in the series. It also helps me to place you at what time in the story we're now.

I hope you like this and I would love to know what are your thoughts about this, please leave your review and comments. Thank you so much for reading this!

 **Disclaimer:** Besides the plot line, I don't own anything. Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Yomiuri TV Corporation. I'm not getting any profit from this story; this was just made for fun.

* * *

 **Chain of emotions.**

 **Author:** MikoAucarod

 **Oneshot.**

* * *

Everyone always says... well, not always, but almost all of my classmates use to say that if one person is heartbroken and another one comforts him, or her, the first one will fall in love with the second one.

 _'But I've always thought that that's something cruel...'_

"It's really cruel to take advantage in that way of that person's feelings..." Kagome whispered, while taking a bath at the hot springs near the camp they had made that night in the woods.

She heard footsteps on the grass and some bushes shaking. When she looked up she saw Inuyasha walking slowly between the trees, at a safe distance from her (a clear signal that he wasn't spying on her, just walking around. It had been a coincidence that he had walked on a plane visible to her eyes), but close enough to protect her... to protect them all if a monster decided to attack.

Inuyasha was always like that, he was willing to protect them even if it cost him his own life.

... _She was beginning to fear that he did precisely that so it could cost him his life._

Kagome shook her head negatively chastising herself for having such thoughts. Inuyasha wasn't suicidal. He may be a deppresive manic, stubborn, foolish, silly, slow, clueless, rude, selfish, unfriendly, arrogant, brave, honorable, kind, gorgeous... but he _was not_ suicidal.

Kagome sighed and let the water to cover a bit over her mouth. How long had it been? Two weeks? A month?

It was kind of hard to have a calendar in the civil war times while being in constant travels but...

Soon it would be a month, she suddenly remembered. Inuyasha had been human three or four days after that fateful battle against Naraku... that battle in which Kikyo had perished.

 _'And tomorrow is the new moon.'_

Kagome shifted slightly in the hot springs, to better watch to Inuyasha, who seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

His long and silver hair shone slightly thanks to the stars in the sky and the small, almost tiny fragment of moon that still could be seen. His ear dogs were barely visible because at that time they were almost crushed against his skull.

Was he crying? Kagome couldn't know that. After Kikyo's souls went to heaven, and she walked closely to see Inuyasha, she had heard him whisper something with a completely broken voice... she had heard him say that all that he had wanted was to protect the priestess forever. She couldn't exactly remember his words.

But what she could clearly remember was how red and swollen had been his eyes that night when she had gone to his side again, to offer him something to dinner.

A dinner that the didn't eat.

"Sighing that much will blow away your happiness, Kagome" spoke Sango, her slayer friend, while walking towards the hot springs, intending to have a bath too.

"I was just thinking, Sango."

"About what? If I may ask."

Kagome looked again towards Inuyasha, who was now sitting over a fallen tree and was looking at the sky, without making any other movement.

"He must be completely lost in his mind if he can't even detect our scents from that distance. How much is it? Thirty, forty meters?"

Kagome didn't answer that. And Sango didn't try to have a topic of conversation.

* * *

"It was most fortunate that you happened to be around here, your excellency, now our families can feel safe and secure that no monster will disturb our village"

"I just made my job, good sir."

Sango and Kagome watched with a drop of sweat on their heads how the trickster monk had made again one of his cheats. Kagome smiled nervously at the attention that the village chief gave them, including lodging for the night at one of the richest houses in the village.

"Isn't it great, Inuyasha?" exclaimed Shippo, jumping up to the hanyou's head and softly pulling of a couple of locks of silver hair. "Miroku got us a house for tonight, we won't have to spend the night of the new moon out in the open!"

"Yeah... great..."

Kagome's concern raised when she saw how Inuyasha took Shippo from below his shoulders and handed him to the young girl, without looking at her once in the face.

"I'll go... yeah... just..." Inuyasha turned around and walked away towards the outskirts of the village, until he faded away behind some trees.

Kagome looked down and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to run down her face.

How could the insensitive people from her time think that she would be capable to try and win Inuyasha's heart while he was feeling like this?

She could be by your side, that was true. She could be deeply in love with him, also true. But she couldn't force him to confront her, nor to reciprocate her feelings.

 _'A nail doesn't drive away another nail'_ she remembers that her mother had said that once. And she agreed with that thought.

"When will he stop having that attitude?" asked Sango, making Kagome snap out of her thoughts.

"Does that foolish dog not notice how much is he hurting Kagome?"

"Shippo, don't you ever again say that. Inuyasha is the one who's hurting more with all that has happened." Scolded gently the schoolgirl. She could still remember the words from Kaou... and the tears that had fell from Inuyasha's eyes that night... those blood tears...

She did understand why the young man couldn't see her. She looked a lot like Kikyo. It hurted her, she accepted that, but it was true and she couldn't force him to do anything.

Not even to watch her or talk to her.

There was nothing in here that would not make him remember Kikyo. Anything would do it. To carry her, hold her, look at her, talk to her...

Everything would _always_ have a comparison with Kikyo.

* * *

"He's really late... Inuyasha, where are you?"

The young hybird, now turned into a human, could clearly hear Kagome's whisper from his place. He was inside the house garden, sitting on one of the branches of the tree that was placed near a small pond.

He was really angry with Kagome, how many times hadn't he told her to take shelter on this cold nights? How many times hadn't he told her to get inside the temples, cottages or houses where they were welcome, instead of waiting for him outside? Why did she always do that?

Was it that she wanted to die because of the cold?

The young man widened his eyes and felt them sting at the moment when, in front of him, the vision of Kikyo's cold body, lying onf the floor, appeared in front of him. He shook his head vigorously from side to side, trying to keep those thoughts and images off his head.

 _Kikyo **was not** Kagome. _ And Kagome would listen to him one more time for having spent the night outside the temple.

Despite it all, he didn't dare to get down the tree. He knew that Kagome was worried but.. he couldn't see her. Not now. It had almost been a month, he knew that, but...

... the pain just would not go away.

And whenever he saw her, she reminded him to _her_. He didn't wanted to confuse them. Kagome was Kagome. Kikyo had been Kikyo. But even so, he couldn't stand to see the excesive physical similitudes they both had...

... it made him think that Kagome would have to share the same destiny that Kikyo. And he couldn't stand that.

 _Kagogme **would not** go through the same fate that Kikyo._

The young man sighed softly and got out of his hiding place when he listened that the girl had fallen asleep. He literally heard her: she used to snore when she fell asleep while sitting.

He couldn't leave her there.

He reached Kagome and placed his haori over her. The night was cold and he didn't want her to get sick. Once he had covered her, he stared at her for a few seconds.

... Sometimes he simply didn't know what to think about.

Did he love her? Of course he did. He knew that for a while now. But he wasn't worthy of her, he knew that. Besides, the pain for Kikyo's loss was still painful in his soul. Really painful. He also was conscious of his own mental, physical and emotional state. He wasn't dumb. He knew that before telling anything to Kagome he needed to be himself again. He couldn't get closer to the schoolgirl being just pieces and suffering, he needed to be whole again before speaking with Kagome. Any other way he would be less worthy of her.

Sighing again he placed his arms under the back and knees of the girl, picking her up with the intention of place her inside her room. Even as a human, the girl's weight was nothing to his muscles.

He took two steps and had to stop abruptly, making use of all of his strength to not let fall the young girl. The wood ceiling had turned a bloody red colour and the floor was now mountain grass, the girl on his arms had fatal injuries and her gaze was lost somewhere at his haori. She was dying on his arms.

Inuyasha's eyes stung and this time it was harder to control his tears and avoid them to fall.

 _Kagome is not Kikyo. Kagome is not Kikyo. Kagome is not-_

Only Kami knew how he had managed to get to her room and place her inside her futon. With shaky legs he stood up and observed her. Shippo, who had been sleeping near to her, felt her presence in his sleep and turned around to embrace her, searching for body heat.

The vision in front of him changed again and now he saw Kagome, half hugging Kikyo and calling for him, begging him to hurry up because Kikyo was about to-

"Inuyasha!" exclaimed softly the monk Miroku, walking towards his friend. In an attempt to avoid falling, Inuyasha had hit his back against the wall outside the room. The noise had awakened the monk.

The tears were freely running over the hanyou's -now turned human- cheeks, and he was covering with one hand his mouth, in an attempt to suppress the sobs that he, scolding himself inside his mind, was letting out painfully of his throat.

For a few seconds, Miroku thought that something terrible had happened to Kagome, because her room's door was still open, but after checking that everyone were still peacefully sleeping he understood what was happening to the usually aloof hanyou.

As quiet as he could, he took Inuyasha by his shoulders and made him walk towards the pond, once again. He didn't receive any objection.

The brave, stubborn, fool and controlled man had finally broken.

"If I'm sleeping, please wake me up. I never thought that I would live long enough to watch this." spoke the monk, sitting beside Inuyasha, who couldn't stop his tears even if he was trying his hardest to do so. Miroku's hand never let go of Inuyasha's left shoulder.

After a few minutes, Miroku studied his friend, believing he was asleep because the young man had gone unusually quiet. But no, Inuyasha had managed to get under control his crying (or maybe had run out of tears) and now he was just sitting there, staring at the ground with a lost expression.

He looked so lost.

"Inuyasha, in a way our lifes will go on in a very similar way as before." He had been tempted to say 'the same as before' but he knew that nothing would be the same for Inuyasha, not now knowing that there would be no more nights in which Kikyo would need him again. "You have us on your side, like always, and nobody will complain about this. We may not have the same pasts, but we can understand you."

Inuyasha, for the first time since Kikyo's demise, looked up and stared at Miroku's face. The monk began to mentally search for any way of escape or a way to calm down a furious hanyou. But said fury never came.

"It's true that you have gone through similar situations, even worst, than mine." croaked Inuyasha, after all he hadn't spoken almost at all since a month ago. "I don't usually lost my composure this way. I don't know what the hell happened in there, I just..."

Miroku wondered if the hanyou, on the night of the new moon, became more honest or more sensible, because he never believed that he would listen Inuyasha to say things like that.

"I see _her everywhere_ , Miroku. Almosth anything reminds me of her. The trees, the rivers, the waterfalls, the mountains, the sunset, the nights, other priestess, demons, Kaede's village... Kagome."

"But Lady Kagome-"

"Is not Kikyo. I know that Miroku, but there is no way that you can erase the physical simmilitudes they have. When I took her to her room..." the vision appeared again and the young man winced in pain, unable to speak again.

Miroku stared at him and understood why this was so hard for him. Inuyasha was nothing but a teenager. He wasn't an adult like Sesshomaru, and neither he had the same age as himself and Sango... honestly, he didn't know how old Inuyasha exactly was, but he didn't seem to be over eighteen years old. Maybe sixteen, seventeen at much.

Suddenly the monk felt a little bit of extra weight over his shoulder and his face turned into one so funny to whoever saw him, because his eyes had widened and his mouth, still closed, almost touched his chin. The young hanyou had placed his forehead over Miroku's shoulder and, once again, was trying to suppress soft sobs, but his own shoulders couldn't stop shaking. Inuyasha couldn't take it anymore.

Once he recovered from his shock, Miroku placed his arms around the boy's back and, in an entirely brotherhood hug, he comforted his friend.

"Take all the time that you need, Inuyasha. We all understand what you're going through and no one of us will ever leave you. It's not healthy for you to keep being depressed, and we would be overjoyed to see you get through this, but it's even less healthier that you have to suppress this all the time." were the wise words from the monk. "And if your pride doesn't let you to cry or smile in front of everyone, you can always go and hide into the woods, but if that makes you feel in solitude, please remember that you have this humble server who will be more than happy to help and keep company to his grumpy friend."

The monk lost the track of time, but finally Inuyasha seemed to be more in calm, still depressed, but not as tense as before.

"Thank you, Miroku." barely whispered the human boy, straightening up and watching the ground once again, with a small blush over his face. The situation must have been uncomfortable for the 'Oh-almighty-hanyou-who-can-control-all-of-his-emotions'. The monk couldn't help but chuckle because of his friend and his foolish pride.

"Don't even mention it, Inuyasha." he said, then he gave the boy a slight squeeze on his shoulder. "It was my pleasure. You should try to sleep for a while. If you feel lonely mi bed will always be available."

What he got because of that last comment - and honestly, that's what he was hoping for - was a killer stare from the young man, who seemed to want to crush him to death at that moment.

"Good night, Inuyasha." the monk said his farewell , after a new smile, and left.

The young man observed him enter his room and then he sighed, rolling his eyes. Then he smiled softly. Later he would tell some of this to Sango so she could punish the monk as he deserved.

* * *

Kagome woke in a jolt before the sunrise. She had just dreamed again with the battle against Naraku and the desperation that she had felt when Kaou had captured Inuyasha.

Wiping away her sweat she looked around, disoriented. She couldn't remember when had she gotten into her room and lay on the futon.

Shippo was sleeping soundly beside her. Sango and Miroku had other rooms for them. And as she could see, there was no sign of Inuyasha...

Kagome stood up and when she did she noticed Inuyasha's hakama, falling of her shoulders. She was startled to notice. Inuyasha had been there. He had covered her with his jacket... but... _when?_

She took the cloth between her hands and got out of the room, being careful to not wake up Shippo.

When she got to the hallway she remembered. She had been sitting at the garden doors, waiting for Inuyasha to return. She was worried because of the new moon, wondering where could he be, but during the night she had been defeated by sleep and had fell to a deep slumber at the place.

Had Inuyasha found her and took her inside?

She quickly went outside and saw him.

Inuyasha was sitting near the koi pond, with his back at her. His white gi was a clear contrast against is black hair and Tetsusaiga was resting beside him, close to him.

Kagome noticed that his shoulders tension, the one she had noticed these past weeks, had vanished somewhat, had he been crying? The young girl felt a pain in his heart thinking that he had been alone while doing so.

"Yoy can't sleep?" a soft whisper from him was heard, floating on the wind.

Kagome got closer and sat beside Inuyasha, gripping the hanyou's haori as if her life depended on it.

"... I had a nightmare. It will be impossible to sleep after that..."

Inuyasha nodded, without tearing apart his gaze from the pond.

Kagome observed around her. The garden was softly iluminated thanks to some candle lights placed across the hall, surely to help the servants or whomever walked at night.

 _What to do?_

 _What to say?_

 _What could she do to comfort him?_

"...Inuyasha."

For a few seconds she waited for the man to yell at her, to tell her that he didn't wan her pity... for a brief moment she dared to dream that he could even open his feelings towards her and release his suffering. But nothing came.

Inuyasha just kept sitting at that place.

She didn't knew how long did they spend like that, sitting next to each other in silence. A calm silence, she surprised to notice.

Dawn came and Kagome was whitess, once again, of the physical change of the hanyou beside her.

Inuyasha visibly relaxed, having gone past his vulnerable time and, to Kagome's shock, he stared at her eyes. Then he took her hand and made her stand up.

"Come here, the wind is still cold." Inuyasha took his haori from Kagome's hands and placed it over her shoulders, almost completely covering her. Then he kneeled so she could climb up his back, think that Kagome made almost by instinct. Together they went to the forest where Inuyasha, without letting her go, began to walk calmly.

Kagome was hugging his chest, thinking what could possibly be inside the hanyou's mind, then he began to talk.

" _This_ is something completely yours." he said, looking in front of him and without tripping.

"What is?"

"To have you in my arms this way. Is something only yours."

Kagome understood then that he was talking about Kikyo.

"It's not your fault to look alike Kikyo, and even less you deserved my evation all this time. But, in an egoist way, I thought that you would understand it."

"I do, Inuyasha. No one is blaming you or reproaching you for this." When she realized that she could speak about this without making the man to run away, she went on. "I told you that day when we fought against Kaou, we all know how damaged is your heart and what it means to you the topic of Kikyo. If you wish to remember her, it's fine. If you prefer to forget her, then go on. But it must be what you feel that gives you peace and comfort about it. We want you to move on, and we are willing to be by your side the whole time it takes you to do so."

Inuyasha stopped, but didn't let Kagome go.

"Would you be willing, Kagome? To _wait for me_ the time it took me?"

"Of course Inuyasha, I just said that-"

"If I forced myself to avoid her topic, or forget about her because I didn't want to remember... sooner or later I would be searching for her once again, trying to not remember her anymore. Is that contradictory?"

Kagome thought about it for a few seconds, before shake her head. Inuyasha kept walking.

"It's logic that if you force away a topic because of others, sooner or later it will return with force and its memory would only hurt you, Inuyasha. Don't do this to Kikyo. _Don't do this to yourself_."

The young hanyou smiled a bit, though sadly. Kagome was the only one capable to speak about Kikyo, her feelings and his feelings in the same phrase without crying.

"That's why I thought about this and I believe it would be good if all of you allowed me to remember her for a while... that you allowed me to remember her so later I won't search for her. To search for her so later I won't suffer. To suffer so later I won't yearn her."

"It's a chain of emotions" talked Kagome, among tender and hurt because of the suffering Inuyasha had. "I completely understand, Inuyasha."

"I know, Kagome. Thank you for doing it. It's true that I still suffer for Kikyo, but let me be. With time, by myself, I'll allow her memory to run free and it won't make me suffer because of the guilt. The important thing is that she's already resting in peace. And I'll search for my own peace as the days pass."

Inuyasha abrutly stopped when he felt Kagome's hand over his forehead.

"There's no fever..." she whispered, "for a second I thought-"

"Keh, idiot." Inuyasha let her down and turned around to stare at her, angry. "Why is it that anytime I begin to speak with sincerity you thinkg that I'm sick with fever or something? What the-"

The young man stopped when he felt Kagome hugging him. With longing... with vehemence.

Inuyasha didn't said it, but this warm was also unique from Kagome. That's why he allowed himself to hug her in return.

He knew that with time all the ghosts from the past, guilt and pain from Kikyo's loss would vanish, and once they killed Naraku and made him pay for everything he had done, then and only then, he knew, he would be complete again. And then he could fight to be worthy of Kagome.

Even if she already _loved him._ He would _fight_ to be _worthy of her_.


End file.
